Recently, I sat with friends and we found ourselves talking about the people who protect their suffering. I’m conscious not to single out my mum — she is one of the greatest people in my life — but the conversation made me think about something much bigger than one person.

It made me realise that I’ve been protecting my own suffering for years.

I know what you’re thinking.

Why would anyone protect their suffering?

Because I wasn’t protecting my suffering.

I was protecting my identity.

My suffering had become such a part of who I believed I was that letting go of it felt like losing a piece of myself. It belonged to me. It explained me. It gave meaning to so many of the choices I’d made that I didn’t know who I was without it.

I’ve been quietly redefining myself ever since.

Some changes have been big. Others are almost invisible.

The people I choose to love. The journeys I say yes to. The moments I choose to speak up instead of staying silent. The battles I decide are worth fighting.

I’m even learning to acknowledge that I have choices.

That sounds embarrassingly simple, but it hasn’t always felt true.

The adults in my life lived through trauma. Not just moments of it, but lives shaped by it. Where I come from, survival isn’t an exception — it’s a way of life. It’s woven into your understanding of respect, responsibility and what it means to be strong.

For many young black women, that story is familiar.

You inherit resilience long before you understand its cost.

Growing up, I didn’t know surviving wasn’t the same as living.

A worthy life was, inevitably, a life of suffering.

What I couldn’t distinguish was the difference between the trials that come with building a meaningful life and the suffering that comes from poverty, inequality, and survival.

Looking back, I don’t think I was protecting my suffering because I enjoyed it.

I protected it because it was familiar.

Because if I stopped identifying as the girl who had overcome so much, who would I become?

That’s a terrifying question.

So I’ve started answering it, one choice at a time.

It started with who I chose to date.

The friendships I invested in.

The boundaries I kept.

The dreams I stopped apologising for.

The way I spend my time.

The permission I give myself to simply enjoy my life.

When you’ve spent so much of your life surviving, you learn to live contentedly. You become grateful for the quiet. The absence of chaos begins to feel like peace.

But joy is something else entirely.

The highs of joy still feel unfamiliar to me. They ask me to loosen my grip, to dream bigger, to take up more space than survival ever allowed.

I’m learning that peace isn’t just the absence of suffering.

It’s making room for a life that isn’t organised around it.

I’m learning that I don’t have to protect my suffering to honour it.

I can remember it.

I can learn from it.

I can even be grateful for the strength it gave me.

But I don’t have to carry it as my identity anymore.

These days, happiness isn’t something I wait for.

It’s a choice I make.

987 days ago, Australia finally lifted the border closure. Within days of the news, I packed up my stuff, closed off accounts, said my final goodbyes, and got on a plane while holding my breath. Little did I know, my dad was holding his breath too, hoping this was the best move for me.

It's been a journey. Coming up on 36 months of being a Melburnian, I couldn't imagine not calling this well-weathered ;) , coffee-addicted, cultural city home.

In the past three years, I've earned a master's, plunged into the wild world of Australian startups, earned my stripes in retail on the Apple floor (where I learned the art of explaining why turning it off and on again actually works), built camaraderie like never before, and am now enjoying my big break in consulting account management (or as I like to call it, professional problem-solving and PowerPoint-making).

Uncomfortable? That's an understatement. Looking back, although I was 26 when I landed, I realise how young I was, with no idea how much I was about to learn. Melbourne has been so kind to me; even in my toughest times, I didn't feel this city turned on me. There are parts of myself I would have never met without this journey.

So here's to finishing off my 3rd year and beginning a lifetime. Melbourne, you beauty, let's keep this crazy adventure going!

Talking to a mate, I remember him retelling the story of a conversation he had with a recruiter - “it's the employers' market; in 2018, it was the job hunters' market”. That's okay; markets change, and we embrace change. But what I didn't understand was what that implied; because it's the employers' market, there's a level of humanity removed from the job hunt. Ghosting is normal, talking to distracted recruiters, availing yourself at the drop of a hat is expected, and if they pick up on the slightest off vibes, it's just not you.

So, we start- first with the application, tailoring the resume to the job and so begins the Googling: What are the top keywords to include in my resume for this job? - Hi ChatGPT, here’s the job description and my resume if you were a recruiter at said company, what would you think? Am I fit for this role, or can I improve to show how much of a fit I am? Next, how to structure a cover letter? Okay, not too long, highlight the value I can bring to the company, praise the company, and talk about my achievements while still showing space and hunger for growth. Great. Hi ChatGPT, me again so, you’re still the recruiter, what do you think about this cover letter?

Now just to fight off the self-doubt and fear of rejection so I can actually submit my application.

It's been 2 weeks. I don’t think they’re going to get back to me. I wonder what's wrong with me. I wonder if they only posted the job as a formality but already had someone in mind. Maybe they’re just collecting resumes for the talent pool. I really wanted that job. Let me just check my emails for the 20th time in 5 minutes. Is that an email requesting an interview for round one?! Okay, and so the prep begins with some googling The best way to answer, tell me about yourself’, What are the top questions to ask at the end of an interview”, and “What questions are common in interviews? A couple of podcasts, and some stalking on LinkedIn of current employees, and I’m ready.

It's the day, my phone and I have a stare-off any minute now “Hi, is that Nanga? It's the recruiter from said company. Are you available to talk?” and in my most enthusiastic voice I reply “Hi, how are you? Now is a perfect time to talk.” I work hard to make this conversation personal, so they don’t think of me as just another applicant but rather a person that they had a pleasant interaction with during the day. Great. Just three more rounds, and the job's mine.

The job hunt is taxing, and my heart goes out to anyone who's currently going through it – to those who just graduated, changing careers, finding healthier work environments, and the ones who have just been laid off and are still finding the strength.

Here is a quote from one of my favorite Michael Jordan ads “Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I led you to believe it was easy when it wasn't. Maybe I made you think my highlights started at the free-throw line and not at the gym. Maybe I made you think that every shot I took was a winner. That my game was built on flash, and not fire. Maybe it's my fault that you didn't see that failure gave me strength, that my pain was my motivation. Maybe I led you to believe that basketball was a god-given gift and not something I worked for every single day of my life. Maybe I destroyed the game or maybe you're just making excuses.”

No one knows how much goes into it until they do it and even then it's easy to forget.

So keep pushing.

Others like the version where YouTube was a result of Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction at the Super Bowl - now we won't go into the details of why Karim was so determined to find a clip exposing parts of Janet Jackson, the real innovation lay in YouTube’s ability to allow users to easily upload and share videos, without needing to download the video to your computer. In April 2005 Jawed Karim, uploaded a clip of himself at the Zoo “Me at the Zoo” and so it began.

The next month the site launched to the public, although still in Beta, Nike released an ad in November 2005 starring Ronaldinho and became the first to claim one million views. In December 2005, the site officially launched- averaging 8 million daily views, with 65000 videos being uploaded every day. Now at this time YouTube wasn't the only video sharing site, Vimeo launched 2004 and Google had also just launched Google Video (which was a total flop) however YouTube was the first to popularize easy uploading and sharing.

Upon the failure of Google Video, Google was prompted to purchase YouTube for $1.65 Billion in Stock, and so in November 2006 Google acquired YouTube and decided to continue its operation as before. Despite the confusion around the story of YouTube’s inception it has become a multi-billion dollar company attracting more than 2.5 billion monthly users, who collectively watch more than one billion hours of videos each day. I myself am a firm believer in the pivot, don't let the fear of a lack of direction keep you from making that 180° that could change your life.